I'm here. I understand.

Having depression is crazy ....

One minute I'll be fine and happy . The next I'll be trying so hard now to cry or pull my hair out. 

My friends don't understand unless they have it too.

Something so small as a color or just a innocent word can trigger it. 

It's painful. 

Sometimes you feel like you have control of it... Then you hear that one word or see that one very specific color and you loose it all. All the memories flood back , all the feeling that you pushed away all come back at once. 

That one word , that one color , that one song , or even that one toy you had as a child ...and it all comes back. 

I still don't know how to control mine. 

My triggers are songs , words , older men with gray hair , and a few of my childhood toys. 

- If your old enough - do you remember those baby dolls that came in a fruit pouch? They had peach , strawberry, ect. ... I have the strawberry one. Her hair is a strawberry blonde and it still smells like it did when I first got it. I've had it since I was three or four. Every time I smell it's head or just even look at it , I start having flashbacks and everything comes back. It's so painful.... But I keep that doll because of how much of my life it holds... And it was one of the last things that my grandpa gave me before he passed.

I'm so sorry if you understand how much it hurts. 

I'm sorry if you understand how hard it is to want to have control over the depression. 

I'm sorry... 

I understand and I'm sorry. 

I know that if I could take all the pain and make it easier for you to handle then I would... But I can't... 

We all have to learn how to handle it. 

It takes such a long time to have a good grip on it. Although ... it is so hard to keep that tight grip... If you have friend who understands than it is easier. It gets easier. Life might get harder but you'll grow so much if you have the right friends to help you and give you a hand when you need it. 

I'm sorry if you don't have that friend. 

I would love to be that friend for you. 

Just email me or something if you can...

I'm here for you and I understand. 

    Bekca <3