Why so selfish ?

Why are people so eager to hurt one another ?

I've been given the "your so selfish" speech three times by three different people , to be honest this is why I just want to kill myself . I see no reason for me to live if I'm that selfish . 

One thing that I have realized is that in order to get what you want you have to be selfish . If you think about it then you know that I'm right . Even doing things for God , you have to be selfish ! 

To Be Honest ...

I've stopped cutting . 

I've put in my two weeks notice at one of my two jobs .

I've been talking ibuprofen  like a mad person just to make my body stop hurting .

Dating a guy for two weeks then breaking up cause a lot happened .... and it was bad

I've tried to make people happy . but it never seems to work anymore .

For some reason people at one of my jobs think I'm lesbian . Not sure why ... but they do

Christmas is three day away and it's stressing me out . 

I like a guy named Kelby . He and I have so much in common that it's crazy.

I haven't gone to counseling in weeks.

All i have eaten for the past couple weeks is chicken and pizza. 

 To Be Honest ....

 I just want to be done . I want to Disappear .

                                 ~ Bekca <3 

By Chiara Bautista

Look What I Found !!!

I hope that all of you are okay with my not posting for so long . i know that you don't have a choice .... but still .... i feel bad about it ...
hahahahaahhah


JK

I don't feel bad at all .
I went through way to much to post anything on here.

Anyway , heres a picture for yeah
no i did not draw it or anything . i found them  somewhere and i really like them ... so i kept them ...

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       Bekca <3 

Last Year .... To This Yeah

....
Life is getting harder as I get older ... I think i just want to know  that i'm going to be happy and safe
.... I want to feel safe so badly... - I miss being a little girl , I never had any worries , never second guessed myself , always lived for  that moment , always felt safe   - I miss it .... all of it , i was so stupid when i was a child , but every minute was worth it.

This year has just started and I've cried for about 30 seconds ... twice ... I  have cried this much in a long time , yeah i know that sounds weird , but i'm ....I..... I just have a harder time showing people that i'm sad . And i'm good at not showing that... cause i'm always sad (life)

I know that i need help , like ... counseling ..or something but every time some one says that I need it ... they're joking .. cause they think i'm okay , happy , good , ect. ..... I just look down and say *you have no idea* . Then they laugh and i just walk way like i agree ... but i also just want to cry cause ... yeah .. it hurts a little when people say that to me.


--------------------

^-(this post was a draft that i never got back to .... I wrote it last year .)-^

This year i am proud to say that i'm safe , but sadly i'm not happy .

I got counseling . I've cried so much more . I used to cut .
I don't eat much anymore . and i have one friend.
There are people that claim to be my friend ... but none have helped my like a real friend should.


I'm 18 now and life has gotten so much easier .
I moved out , i have two jobs . I'm saving up for a car .
AND !!!!
i get hit on more then i ever thought i would !
it's SO weird !  A guy ,that walks past one of my works , ask me for my number !!!!!!
I said that i was too busy and that i couldn't right now .
Hahah , oh gosh . It was so weird !
he's cute but he has a weird/creepy smile ... but i kinda like it ... how weird ... hmmm
ANYWAY !


I'm sitting in chick-fal-a like i always do . in the corner looking at my laptop writing all this down because i need to keep my mind off of depressing things .

(by the way some really hot guy just walked in ... hehehe and i can stare at him just for the fun of it .... red hair , gray ripped shirt ... old ripped shorts ... dannnngggg hehehhe)

So i thank you . All of you .
and i thank thing damn blog company ! hahahha i would feel a little more dead if i didn't have it ^_^


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       Bekca <3

I've been drawing more ^_^

^.^

So , I'm selling al of the things i've painted .
because i need the money more then i need the painted canvas ... so yeah
If any of you want to buy them , please email me

here are most of them ---

-------

i have two or three more , but i didn't take pictures of them 

Cover of the Album Is awesome !!!!

This is the song I was talking about in the post below this one ^.^

I like this song a lot .... more then I should but ...... who cares ^.^

Drawings And Paintings.

SOOOOOOooooooooooo

Life Is Getting Harder 

and Things Are Becoming More Painful  Then I Remember Them Ever Being 

So 

...

I'VE BEEN PANTING  and drawing more the I did laster year ^.^ 

Here You Go -

( I Edited them because my laptop take weird looking pictures , so yea )

                                                                            ----- 

Based off of "Off With Her Head" by Ghost town

this painting was based on the drawing.

This is what i would look like if i was anime 

Anime Princess Peach 

Cuddles 

Chris the Elephant 

...

Guy's i don't know what to post anymore ... there's nothing in my life that is exciting enough (that i think would be okay) to post 

Help me!!! 

I'll type a bunch of stuff then erase it all

 

..i'm sorry guys ... 

Valentines Day (also S.A.D)

I know that  Valentines Day is coming up , but I do not believe in it   BECAUSE  Love should be celebrated every day , not just once a year !   

 

Love is not about  the crap that you buy for  the people you love   , but the way you care and about how you feel about that person , the way you want to put everything about them before your own needs and wants .  

You CAN NOT  buy love . IT IS impossible ! So do not buy chocolate ,  stuffed animals , 

or even a live animal . Just spend time with them , tell that person that you love them , Show them that you love them buy doing something , like cleaning the house , making them coffee , draw them a picture , MAKE that person a card . 

For real people . you love some one tell them !!!!  yes , you can buy them things , but it won't  have the affect that words have on your special some one . 

Take That person buy the hand , look them in the eye , and say with all seriousness "i love you and no one will ever change that."   

                                    - Bekca <3
    Ps - IT'S ALSO NATIONAL SINGLES DAY  ... yes that is a real thing and yes , i'm very happy to be apart of that thing ! 

-Singles Awareness (or Appreciation) Day" (S.A.D.) is a humorous holiday, celebrated on February 14 (although some prefer the 13th or the 15th to get away from the commercialism associated with the 14th).- 

    Sha-bam . take that all you couples , we singles have our own day(s) too ! :D MUAHAHAHAH! 

                               

Butterflies.. just look at them ...

I want to be a butterfly .... they are so beautiful ..... and wonderful .... they only live three days ,they know what they have to get done in that short amount of time .. and they do it ..  , but they do so much more . I can not tell you how beautiful they are .... i don't know why I love them so much ...