Safe place

I've been thinking a lot lately and I know that most of you will say "I didn't know you could think!"(haha) but oh well. Think what you want. 

Everyone has that safe place that they go to when they are lonely , upset , angry , depressed , ect 

I've noticed that I don't have one anymore... 

When I was little it was being with my sister. She was everything to me. If I wasn't with her then I wasn't myself. I moved out of the house about a year ago  so now she and I rarely talk. We both work a lot and just don't have time. 

When i was 13 it was being in my room. 

I could go into my room and lock the door and be happy and safe. My room isn't my old room and I don't feel safe in it...

When I was 16 it was taking a Blade to my skin... It helped me cope and doing it made it hard for people to hurt me.... 

People found out that I did it and now I'm trying to stop. 

 Almost 19 And I feel like I can't do anything to feel safe and secure again....

It's starting to get really sad...

I don't know what to do with myself in my free time if I have any... All i know is that I want to be safe... But I just can't seem to get that feeling back 

Bekca <3

Circles ?

Why do we have circles of friends? Shouldn't we be friends with almost every one ? 

Everywhere I go I can see the the stupid groups. 

The popular circle , the geek circle , the weird ones , and so on. 

I always seem to get pushed out of every circle and it is not fun. 

And I know that there are people like me out there. 

But we don't know who each other are. 

For instance , I'm sitting out side with my roommates and one of their friends. We were all siting and one of my friends moved so that he would be closer the the other two and literally left me on the side. 

They don't really include me in stuff in less it's a bill or something and I have to pay. It's not cool. 

When you talk to one person in a group everyone should be included . Not just three out of the four people .... It hurts. Being pushed away hurts.

Everyone has been pushed away some way or another, so everyone should understand .... But they don't because they don't see what they are doing. 

OPEN YOUR EYES PEOLPE !!!!SEE WHO IS BEING PUSHED AND PULL THEM BACK IN AND MAKE THEM FEEL WANTED !!! It's not that hard !!! 

Maybe...

Maybe ... If I was thinner ... People would like me more.

Maybe... If I was nicer people would see that I'm not a bitch...

Maybe ... If I stopped caring it wouldn't hurt when my "friends" didn't text me back...

Maybe... If I got a second or third job I wouldn't struggle so much...

Maybe... If I read my bible I'll be happy...

Maybe...if I cut all the emotional pain will go away....

Maybe... If I tell some one they wouldn't judge me... But help me....

Maybe... If I wasn't so needy I wouldn't be in this place....

Maybe... If I stop eating o won't feel so fat and guilty ...

Maybe...if I just pretend like everything is okay , then it will be ...

Maybe... If I just kept my mouth shut I'd still be at home....do I even have a home? 

-Becca <3